Current obsession: Snow Patrol - Just Say Yes
The whole thing is my life right now
"Just say yes
Just say there's nothing holding you back.
It's not a test
nor a trick of the mind...
only love."
I'll be mostly gone for the next week or two as I finish this semester, finals, finish packing, move, and start unpacking in my new home in Maryland with the love of my life.
It's amazing that a year ago I was single, and was SO jaded I never thought i'd fall in love like this ever. I am SO blessed.
4.27.2010
Day Seventeen of Thirty: An Art Piece
Edgar Degas
The Green Dancer
I have loved this painting forever. It reminds me of my childhood.
4.26.2010
Day Sixteen of Thirty: A Song that makes me cry
... you know those country songs that are all about the girl and boy falling in love and then someone croaking? They are like the musical versions of Nicholas Sparks novels. ANY of those make me cry. Most specifically, "Don't take the girl" by Tim McGraw.
I don't actually LISTEN to country music, but I used to when I was in my redneck phase in like 7th grade.
I don't actually LISTEN to country music, but I used to when I was in my redneck phase in like 7th grade.
4.23.2010
Day Fifteen of Thirty: A Fanatic
I don't have a fucking clue what today's list item means. A fanatic? Of WHAT? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!?!
I'm fanatical about a lot of things. Wait, is that even a word? Miriam-Webster says yes! WOO!
Ok, so that's one. I'm a little bit of a grammar junkie/nazi. Sure, we all make spelling and grammar mistakes on the reg, but I cringe when I scroll through my friend's status updates on Facebook, uh, DAILY, because people are just mother fucking LAZY. Text/LOL speak makes me crazy. Sure, it's handy, but honestly, you can't take the time to type out I LOVE YOU instead of luv u. HONESTLY? (My boyfriend and I had a talk about this early in our relationship. haha)
I'm kind of fanatical about cleaning too, but only in short bursts. When I decide I want to clean I WANT TO DO IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW DO NOT TRY AND STOP ME. I am moving in with my boyfriend in less than two weeks, and he has two teenagers that we will have every few days. oh em gee.
I'm a huge foodie fanatic too. I love to cook and to eat. (I got the ass to prove it too). Lucky for me, the boyfriend does too. Whoo! I am DEFINITELY that girl that would rather blow $100 at a nice restaurant than buy new shoes. Sure, I'll be hungry again in a few hours, but it was SO GOOD I don't even care.
I'm fanatical about a lot of things. Wait, is that even a word? Miriam-Webster says yes! WOO!
Ok, so that's one. I'm a little bit of a grammar junkie/nazi. Sure, we all make spelling and grammar mistakes on the reg, but I cringe when I scroll through my friend's status updates on Facebook, uh, DAILY, because people are just mother fucking LAZY. Text/LOL speak makes me crazy. Sure, it's handy, but honestly, you can't take the time to type out I LOVE YOU instead of luv u. HONESTLY? (My boyfriend and I had a talk about this early in our relationship. haha)
I'm kind of fanatical about cleaning too, but only in short bursts. When I decide I want to clean I WANT TO DO IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW DO NOT TRY AND STOP ME. I am moving in with my boyfriend in less than two weeks, and he has two teenagers that we will have every few days. oh em gee.
I'm a huge foodie fanatic too. I love to cook and to eat. (I got the ass to prove it too). Lucky for me, the boyfriend does too. Whoo! I am DEFINITELY that girl that would rather blow $100 at a nice restaurant than buy new shoes. Sure, I'll be hungry again in a few hours, but it was SO GOOD I don't even care.
4.22.2010
Day Fourteen of Thirty: A Non- Fiction Book
This book is one that I read over the course of a weekend a few years ago
I still regularly think about it. I became so entrenched in the story that I feel like I was there.
As a true story, it is both heartbreaking and amazing.
I definitely suggest reading it, but keep the tissues handy.
4.21.2010
Umm, yeah... I think today tried to kill me
...but only for an hour.
I set out at One pm to run to Office Depot for office supplies and to pick up some lunch for myself since everyone else (ie the one other person I work with, my boss), was not here.
Office Depot didn't have 4 of the 5 things I needed. So I abandoned my cart with the one thing I DID find in it and walked back to my car across the crowded ass parking lot. I figured, "Hell, I'll just run to Staples."
I turned on to a back street, paused at a red light for a moment, and when the green flipped, I began to accellerate. Dead. Nothing. Car did NOT want to continue on our intended path to Staples. A cop that had been across the road from me when I stalled out pulled up behind me with his lights on so no one would smash into me. *thanks*
I shut off the car. Cop asked what happened. I shrugged "Old car" I mumbled to him. Turned it back on and it was alive again. And then sputtered out. Shut off the AC rolled down a window so as not to die, and it started. I thanked my new cop friend and sputtered down the road. I would limp it to a gas station. Nearly out of gas.
Made it to the nearest gas station, about a mile away, and pulled up to the pump.
Inserted my debit card. "PLEASE SEE CASHIER" flashed on the screen.
Fuck.
I put in my old billing zip, not the new one, in Maryland, that I should have entered. I tried again. Still rejected.
The man inside was less than helpful.
I, of course, only had ONE single dollar in my wallet. That wasn't going to cut it for gas when it's $2.89 a gallon.
I called my bank, got the automated "You must approve these transactions aren't fraud" attendant, and tried again. Nada.
So I walked next door to the ATM. Nothing.
Called my bank again, RE-authorized the transactions, and then yelled into the automated attendant until it recognized my desire to speak to a flesh and blood human, and not a computer.
Blah blah blah confirm my info, transferred to the HUMAN attendant in the fraud department, and he asks me a million questions about myself and my account and releases the hold.
Try again.
"PLEASE SEE CASHIER"
Luckily, I'm still on the phone with the human at my bank. He said to try inside.
Guy inside says they don't have a swiping thing inside.
Walk BACK to the bank, with guy still on the phone, withdraw $20, thank my new BoA Human Friend, who said it sounds like an issue with the gas stations card terminals and go BACK to the gas station.
I slapped my $20 for pump 3 on the counter and said "Its not my card, its your credit card terminals."
"whatever" the douchey attendant shrugs at me
Near tears from frustration (and now hunger and 90 degree heat) I pump my gas and leave.
Note to self, put an emergency $10 in the glove box from now on.
And remember you don't live in Florida in two more weeks.
I set out at One pm to run to Office Depot for office supplies and to pick up some lunch for myself since everyone else (ie the one other person I work with, my boss), was not here.
Office Depot didn't have 4 of the 5 things I needed. So I abandoned my cart with the one thing I DID find in it and walked back to my car across the crowded ass parking lot. I figured, "Hell, I'll just run to Staples."
I turned on to a back street, paused at a red light for a moment, and when the green flipped, I began to accellerate. Dead. Nothing. Car did NOT want to continue on our intended path to Staples. A cop that had been across the road from me when I stalled out pulled up behind me with his lights on so no one would smash into me. *thanks*
I shut off the car. Cop asked what happened. I shrugged "Old car" I mumbled to him. Turned it back on and it was alive again. And then sputtered out. Shut off the AC rolled down a window so as not to die, and it started. I thanked my new cop friend and sputtered down the road. I would limp it to a gas station. Nearly out of gas.
Made it to the nearest gas station, about a mile away, and pulled up to the pump.
Inserted my debit card. "PLEASE SEE CASHIER" flashed on the screen.
Fuck.
I put in my old billing zip, not the new one, in Maryland, that I should have entered. I tried again. Still rejected.
The man inside was less than helpful.
I, of course, only had ONE single dollar in my wallet. That wasn't going to cut it for gas when it's $2.89 a gallon.
I called my bank, got the automated "You must approve these transactions aren't fraud" attendant, and tried again. Nada.
So I walked next door to the ATM. Nothing.
Called my bank again, RE-authorized the transactions, and then yelled into the automated attendant until it recognized my desire to speak to a flesh and blood human, and not a computer.
Blah blah blah confirm my info, transferred to the HUMAN attendant in the fraud department, and he asks me a million questions about myself and my account and releases the hold.
Try again.
"PLEASE SEE CASHIER"
Luckily, I'm still on the phone with the human at my bank. He said to try inside.
Guy inside says they don't have a swiping thing inside.
Walk BACK to the bank, with guy still on the phone, withdraw $20, thank my new BoA Human Friend, who said it sounds like an issue with the gas stations card terminals and go BACK to the gas station.
I slapped my $20 for pump 3 on the counter and said "Its not my card, its your credit card terminals."
"whatever" the douchey attendant shrugs at me
Near tears from frustration (and now hunger and 90 degree heat) I pump my gas and leave.
Note to self, put an emergency $10 in the glove box from now on.
And remember you don't live in Florida in two more weeks.
Day Thirteen of Thirty: A fictional book
The grammar nazi in me is cringing right now. A "fictional book" would be a book that did not actually exist. A "Book of Fiction" which is what I think they meant in this list, is a whole 'nother Oprah.
Sooooo, a book of fiction that I love, that I haven't already discussed....
Shit. I can't think of any. I think my brain is flooded with thoughts of moving, finals, and my LAST WEEK AT MY JOB (after 8 years, that's friggin AWESOME).
I usually read fiction or memiors. Though I tend to LOVE memiors more than ficiton. Meh. This post is faily.
Sooooo, a book of fiction that I love, that I haven't already discussed....
Shit. I can't think of any. I think my brain is flooded with thoughts of moving, finals, and my LAST WEEK AT MY JOB (after 8 years, that's friggin AWESOME).
I usually read fiction or memiors. Though I tend to LOVE memiors more than ficiton. Meh. This post is faily.
4.20.2010
Day Twelve of Thirty: Whatever tickles my fancy
This is a little bit of reflection.
Today is April 20th, 2010.
Eleven years ago, on this day, I sat in my high school lunchroom when our principal came over the intercom.
He informed us that schools across the country were being locked down due to a school shooting.
I sat with my friends, not thinking anoything of it at first, in our upper middle class Chicago suburb high school. Sitting in part of the million dollar renovation that they'd just completed. Eating garbage food, and discussing trashy topics.
And then our principal announced that the shooting had taken place at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado.
Most people just shrugged and went back to their meals. Or resumed their discussion of the Marilyn Manson Concert set to take place that night in Chicago. (why I remember that particular detail, I have NO idea)
But not me.
My mother, about 9 months prior had moved to Colorado with my little brother. She'd moved to Littleton.
And then, it hit me. If I'd not moved to live with my dad, and stayed with my mom, MY school would have just been shot up that morning by two of my peers. Possibly killing my friends or teachers. Or me.
I don't believe in God. I believe that there is definitely something larger than me, but I can't believe that there is an "old man in the sky" or whatever other variation of the idea of God people come up with. Im very spiritual, but not religious in any way. I don't pray. I actually CANT pray. I've tried over the years, but it seems so false. So I don't. I think to myself instead. Maybe that's my way of praying.
But, I had never felt like someTHING intervened in my life more than at that moment of revelation. I could have died. And EVERY year on this anniversary, I feel blessed that the Universe chose to put me in a different situation, and bless me with the opportunity to have a full, hopefully long life. Not one cut short by the inhumanity of two teenage boys.
I am reminded each year to be thankful for all of the ups and downs I've faced over the last 365 days. For I may have never seen them.
xo-
K
Today is April 20th, 2010.
Eleven years ago, on this day, I sat in my high school lunchroom when our principal came over the intercom.
He informed us that schools across the country were being locked down due to a school shooting.
I sat with my friends, not thinking anoything of it at first, in our upper middle class Chicago suburb high school. Sitting in part of the million dollar renovation that they'd just completed. Eating garbage food, and discussing trashy topics.
And then our principal announced that the shooting had taken place at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado.
Most people just shrugged and went back to their meals. Or resumed their discussion of the Marilyn Manson Concert set to take place that night in Chicago. (why I remember that particular detail, I have NO idea)
But not me.
My mother, about 9 months prior had moved to Colorado with my little brother. She'd moved to Littleton.
And then, it hit me. If I'd not moved to live with my dad, and stayed with my mom, MY school would have just been shot up that morning by two of my peers. Possibly killing my friends or teachers. Or me.
I don't believe in God. I believe that there is definitely something larger than me, but I can't believe that there is an "old man in the sky" or whatever other variation of the idea of God people come up with. Im very spiritual, but not religious in any way. I don't pray. I actually CANT pray. I've tried over the years, but it seems so false. So I don't. I think to myself instead. Maybe that's my way of praying.
But, I had never felt like someTHING intervened in my life more than at that moment of revelation. I could have died. And EVERY year on this anniversary, I feel blessed that the Universe chose to put me in a different situation, and bless me with the opportunity to have a full, hopefully long life. Not one cut short by the inhumanity of two teenage boys.
I am reminded each year to be thankful for all of the ups and downs I've faced over the last 365 days. For I may have never seen them.
xo-
K
4.19.2010
Day Eleven of Thirty: A photo taken of me recently
From this past Saturday
My going away party
I think I was more mature in my photo from when I was 6.
4.16.2010
Ohhh, It's only been two years...ish?
Tonight I'm going to do something that part of me feels is wrong.
I'm going to return something that I bought probably at least 2 years ago.
Shoes.
Ive worn them once.
Hear me out:
I bought these beautiful and COMFORTABLE royal blue satin peep toe GUESS pumps at Nordstrom for my wedding.
The wedding that never was. (Ps. Please note that I was wearing BRIGHT BLUE SHOES under my wedding gown. fucking rad)
Well, since the wedding never happened, I wore them out once. On a first date. They were hot.
But there was this....smell?
Like garlicy fish.
Not hot.
It was definitely not feet smell, and wasn't eminating from the foot bed of the shoe, but from the shoes themselves. Bizarre.
Anywho, left them in the box, open, in my closet thinking hey, maybe they will air out. Notsomuch.
I forgot about them.
Fast forward to packing, or thinking about maybe starting to pack my closet up for moving a few weeks ago. And I find the still smelly, possibly smellier shoes in the closet.
I emailed GUESS. I thought, shit, it can't hurt, right? Well GUESS said since I bought the shoes at Nordstrom I had to contact them. So I did.
I live chatted with some chick and she said I had to bring them in to the Nordstrom I bought them at, and speak with Customer Service. I mentioned not having my original receipt and she said, no prob, just bring the credit card. So i'm going to.
Part of me feels bad, like, shit if you're gonna return something, do so in a prompt fashion, Kyleigh. But the other cheap part of me is like "FUCK, i spent over $100 on those shoes, which I just DONT do. They can give me a store credit and i'll buy MORE shoes. WOOT!"
I doubt I'll get anything, but it would be rad to get a store credit! I'm not looking for the cash back, but it would be cool if they made this better since I didn't make the shoes smelly.
I'm going to return something that I bought probably at least 2 years ago.
Shoes.
Ive worn them once.
Hear me out:
I bought these beautiful and COMFORTABLE royal blue satin peep toe GUESS pumps at Nordstrom for my wedding.
The wedding that never was. (Ps. Please note that I was wearing BRIGHT BLUE SHOES under my wedding gown. fucking rad)
Well, since the wedding never happened, I wore them out once. On a first date. They were hot.
But there was this....smell?
Like garlicy fish.
Not hot.
It was definitely not feet smell, and wasn't eminating from the foot bed of the shoe, but from the shoes themselves. Bizarre.
Anywho, left them in the box, open, in my closet thinking hey, maybe they will air out. Notsomuch.
I forgot about them.
Fast forward to packing, or thinking about maybe starting to pack my closet up for moving a few weeks ago. And I find the still smelly, possibly smellier shoes in the closet.
I emailed GUESS. I thought, shit, it can't hurt, right? Well GUESS said since I bought the shoes at Nordstrom I had to contact them. So I did.
I live chatted with some chick and she said I had to bring them in to the Nordstrom I bought them at, and speak with Customer Service. I mentioned not having my original receipt and she said, no prob, just bring the credit card. So i'm going to.
Part of me feels bad, like, shit if you're gonna return something, do so in a prompt fashion, Kyleigh. But the other cheap part of me is like "FUCK, i spent over $100 on those shoes, which I just DONT do. They can give me a store credit and i'll buy MORE shoes. WOOT!"
I doubt I'll get anything, but it would be rad to get a store credit! I'm not looking for the cash back, but it would be cool if they made this better since I didn't make the shoes smelly.
Day Ten of Thirty: A photo of me taken more than 10 years ago
I was the coolest fuckin' kid ever.
Rockin' that $50 Chicago Chinatown coat my daddy bought me instead of paying his electric bill.
My best friend says I STILL make that same face when I'm excited about something.
Some things never do change.
<3
4.15.2010
Long vs. Short. The epic battle of my hair
I am a typical woman in that I am never totally satisfied with my hair.
When it is long, all I think about is chopping it all off.
When it is short, all I think about is how much I look like a boy and want it long again.
There is no in between stage that eases this frustration.
Lucky for me, I have pretty manageable hair, just a lot of it. Its THICK. Im not talking, oh, you have nice thick hair, I mean like "JESUS GIRL, YO HAIR IS LIKE A HORSE TAIL!" kind of thick.
Its naturally curly, but I can straighten it PIN straight. When people see my hair straight mainly, and then I wear it curly, they are amazed. They think I curled it, when, in fact, I just let it do its own thing.
Currently, my hair is about cheekbone length. Im growing it out from one of my "chop that shit off" moments where I cut it about an inch long. I loved it for like a month, and then got bored with it looking the same all the time.
Two years ago, my hair was down to my bra strap/mid back. After I broke up with my then fiance, I chopped it to shoulder length. It was the first time I teared up during a hair cut. It was more what it symbolized (a failed attempt at a marriage) than the hair itself.
I can't WAIT for it to grow out. I don't feel as pretty with short hair. It doesn't make me feel sexy. Even though my boyfriend loves it, He's only known me with short hair.
For me, long hair is beautiful. I think Vanessa Hudgens has the most BEAUTIFUL head of hair ever. Her and Kim Kardashian. But that bitch is just hot all over, so yeah.
I just want to fast forward through the awkward growing out stage and get to where I feel pretty again. Sure, its a lot of damn work when it's long (it takes me over an hour to flat iron it, that's AFTER it's dry), but it makes me feel good. And I miss it.
Until it's long again.
When it is long, all I think about is chopping it all off.
When it is short, all I think about is how much I look like a boy and want it long again.
There is no in between stage that eases this frustration.
Lucky for me, I have pretty manageable hair, just a lot of it. Its THICK. Im not talking, oh, you have nice thick hair, I mean like "JESUS GIRL, YO HAIR IS LIKE A HORSE TAIL!" kind of thick.
Its naturally curly, but I can straighten it PIN straight. When people see my hair straight mainly, and then I wear it curly, they are amazed. They think I curled it, when, in fact, I just let it do its own thing.
Currently, my hair is about cheekbone length. Im growing it out from one of my "chop that shit off" moments where I cut it about an inch long. I loved it for like a month, and then got bored with it looking the same all the time.
Two years ago, my hair was down to my bra strap/mid back. After I broke up with my then fiance, I chopped it to shoulder length. It was the first time I teared up during a hair cut. It was more what it symbolized (a failed attempt at a marriage) than the hair itself.
I can't WAIT for it to grow out. I don't feel as pretty with short hair. It doesn't make me feel sexy. Even though my boyfriend loves it, He's only known me with short hair.
For me, long hair is beautiful. I think Vanessa Hudgens has the most BEAUTIFUL head of hair ever. Her and Kim Kardashian. But that bitch is just hot all over, so yeah.
I just want to fast forward through the awkward growing out stage and get to where I feel pretty again. Sure, its a lot of damn work when it's long (it takes me over an hour to flat iron it, that's AFTER it's dry), but it makes me feel good. And I miss it.
Until it's long again.
Day Nine of Thirty: A photo that I took
About a month after I met my boyfriend, I was going through a crazy time. I was hardly working, school was trying to kill me, and my boy was 1100 miles away. The weekend prior to taking this, he told me he loved me for the first time. I had issues from past relationships that had scarred me, and I was holding tight to the belief that this was different. I walked out of my house that afternoon, glanced up, and saw this in the sky. A skywriter had written this RIGHT above my house. I took it as a sign that even when you are wounded or broken, there are trustworthy people out there, and to always trust my gut.
Every time I follow my instincts, I ultimately end up in awesome situations.
When I push my instincts aside, and do what everyone else thinks is best, I end up hurting.
Trust. Your. Heart. Kyleigh.
I say that at least once a day now.
<3
4.14.2010
Day Eight of Thirty: A photo that makes me angry or sad
This photo was from December of 2007. Those two women with me (please also note my kickassery long ass hair, tyvm) were my very best friends in the entire universe.
The blonde and I are still very good friends. As we've grown, we've grown in different directions, but have remained friends and would never intentionally hurt each other.
The redhead, is another story entirely. She's a hot fucking mess. Always has been. From very early in her life she's needed other people to feel whole. She tries to be very giving, but in the long run, its about what she can take from others. When I was with my ex, she hated him. She never had ANYTHING nice to say about him, and when he and I got engaged, she asked me "Are you really sure that you want to do this?" To which I got upset. (Granted, in the long run, she was right). Fast forward to the ex and I breaking up two months before our wedding and a week before my birthday. This is going to sound incredibly lame and immature, and I'm aware of that, but bear with me here. The redhead sent the ex a message on myspace the WEEK after we broke up "Don't get in too much trouble this weekend" (please note, the ex and I are in FL and the redhead is in IL) I saw it and got pissed. She's MY BEST FRIEND for ten years, and she's fraternizing with the enemy?! She should want to castrate him like the REST of my friends do, not be all buddy buddy.
Anyway, fast forward nearly two years and the redhead and I haven't spoken since and she's now friend's with the ex's new stripper gf. (Please note, they are still in FL and she's still in IL, yay facebook)
I have never felt so betrayed by anyone in my entire life. I can't believe I was friends with her as long as I was.
If she were to ever stumble upon this and see that, it honestly wouldn't bother me. Some people need to know that they are cancer.
4.13.2010
Day Seven of Thirty: A Photo that makes me happy
My Boyfriend, Steve, and I.
November 2009
This makes me happy because I so rarely laugh that hard in photos.
I'm always concious of how I look or what the photo will look like.
But this, this was him saying something epically dorky in my ear, and me laughing my ass off.
He just happened to catch it on film.
ps. This is what a normal day looks like with he and I. We are constantly laughing. <3
4.12.2010
Disappearing Act
I didn't mean to just bail on you, little fledgling blog, I swear. Last week just got freaking INSANE really fast and before I knew it I was out of town for four days.
The lowdown:
My boss had her twins on Wednesday afternoon. So that just made my life epically more insane because now I'll REALLY have to balance time between wrapping up things in the office, getting her company closed, and helping her with her 3 year old. (I've worked for the same family for 8 years, in some form or another. Mostly running her skin care company, but she's decided to close, because with three kids under 3, she's gonna be crazy)
I wrote a paper for my art history class, and handed that in. Took a test.
Thursday AM I headed out to Maryland to my boyfriend. We ran a zillion errands which included a stop at the bank to get our bank statement printed so I could get my Maryland license. A bunch of BS ensued at the MVA and we ended up back on Friday. Everntually GOT my license and am now an official resident. Got my phone switched over to his plan on Verizon, got a new phone (and number!) and had dinner with friends. We headed over to the school I'll be attending on Friday also, to get me registered for the fall term. Done and Done. Taking a Psych 214 class (birth to death psychology) and a Photography class. Yeah, I know, wtf do I need photography if i'm planning to be a nurse? Wellllll, it's more for me. For my bachelor's I need 16 elective credits, so I figured the first term in a new school, I'd go easy on myself. Take a moderate class, and a fun class. :) Win and Win.
Now, I have to finish packing my house, take my two finals here in Florida, and then pick the boy up from the airport when he flys down in three weeks to pack my life in a truck and drive up to our home together in Maryland.
Im stoked, ya'll. Seriously stoked.
xo-
K
The lowdown:
My boss had her twins on Wednesday afternoon. So that just made my life epically more insane because now I'll REALLY have to balance time between wrapping up things in the office, getting her company closed, and helping her with her 3 year old. (I've worked for the same family for 8 years, in some form or another. Mostly running her skin care company, but she's decided to close, because with three kids under 3, she's gonna be crazy)
I wrote a paper for my art history class, and handed that in. Took a test.
Thursday AM I headed out to Maryland to my boyfriend. We ran a zillion errands which included a stop at the bank to get our bank statement printed so I could get my Maryland license. A bunch of BS ensued at the MVA and we ended up back on Friday. Everntually GOT my license and am now an official resident. Got my phone switched over to his plan on Verizon, got a new phone (and number!) and had dinner with friends. We headed over to the school I'll be attending on Friday also, to get me registered for the fall term. Done and Done. Taking a Psych 214 class (birth to death psychology) and a Photography class. Yeah, I know, wtf do I need photography if i'm planning to be a nurse? Wellllll, it's more for me. For my bachelor's I need 16 elective credits, so I figured the first term in a new school, I'd go easy on myself. Take a moderate class, and a fun class. :) Win and Win.
Now, I have to finish packing my house, take my two finals here in Florida, and then pick the boy up from the airport when he flys down in three weeks to pack my life in a truck and drive up to our home together in Maryland.
Im stoked, ya'll. Seriously stoked.
xo-
K
Day Six of Thirty: My biggest pet peeve
Yes. We all have them. Weird little things that crawl under our skin and make us insane. I don't know that I could absolutely identitify the BIGGEST of my bunches of peeves ( I promise i'm not a total bitch, just things annoy me, i generally internalize it though) But here's a few of the ones I can think of off the top of my head.
- Lack of blinker usage when driving
- Leaving things open (fridge, cabinets, doors, shower curtain)
- Assumptions
- Smokers smoking right in front of a place of business, so I get to walk through their cloud of carcinogens
- When people call you and expect you to carry the convo. YOU called ME, I didn't have anything to talk about or I would have called you!
- Drinking out of the carton (this annoys me and Im guilty of it. I am a walking contradiction)
- Old boyfriends assuming they can call and "say hi". No.
4.06.2010
Day Five of Thirty: My Favorite Quote
Quotations, like music, are like air to me. I find solace in the words of those that are more wise and much funnier than I am.
I definitely don't have a FAVORITE, but I have lots that I love, so here's a couple of them:
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin (if I had a fave, this would be it)
"Wherever I go, there's always Pooh, there's always Pooh and Me. Whatever I do, he wants to do. "Where are you going today?" says Pooh, "Well that's very odd, 'cause I was too. Let's go together, " says Pooh, says he, "Let's go together," says Pooh." - A.A. Milne
"No one said that it would be easy, but they promised that it would be worth it" - Anon.
I definitely don't have a FAVORITE, but I have lots that I love, so here's a couple of them:
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin (if I had a fave, this would be it)
"Wherever I go, there's always Pooh, there's always Pooh and Me. Whatever I do, he wants to do. "Where are you going today?" says Pooh, "Well that's very odd, 'cause I was too. Let's go together, " says Pooh, says he, "Let's go together," says Pooh." - A.A. Milne
"No one said that it would be easy, but they promised that it would be worth it" - Anon.
4.02.2010
Day Four of Thrity: My Favorite Book
I read Audrey Niffenegger's The Time Traveler's Wife based on a recommendation from a friend. She loved it, and suggested it to me one day when I'd mentioned I was desperate for a new read. I instantly fell in love with it. I loved the way it was written, and I fell deeply in love with the characters. I think I read it the first time in one day. Or just over. I've since re-read it twice and seen the movie (which left much to be desired for me, as it seemed to do for a lot of people that love the book, but such is the translation between literature and film. Its much like a game of "telephone" from childhood.)
I have a few close runners up though:
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The entire Harry Potter Series (yes, I am admitting my epic dorkery on the internet)
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (I'm savoring this one, not quite done with it. Most likely will be disappointed by the movie set to star Julia Roberts)
I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb
I love to read. I just wish I had more time to read for pleasure. School really puts a damper on my "me time". *pout*
4.01.2010
Day Three of Thirty: My favorite television program
Honestly, I don't have a FAVORITE tv show. If and when I have the time to laze around and watch tv, I'm a compulsive channel flipper. I flip channels in a rush. Especially when commercials come on. I love to hate commercials. They get stuck in my head and/or make me cry like a little bitch. Not lyin'. (Anyone in the southern US that gets Publix commercials knows what i'm talking about)
As for shows though, meh. I watch certain things, sure, but thats more because they keep my interest for longer than 3 minutes (that is, between commercials). I like Criminal Minds a bunch, because people are effing crazy. But, my one true love station, is The Food Network.
This is also why my boy and I are made for one another. We'll be sitting on the phone, in our respective homes, myself in Florida, and him in Maryland (sadface) and I'll head something. Like an echo. OOOOOH We're both watching Alton. Or Guy. Or that annoying british prick on Dinner:Impossible. And can I just say, I love Brian Boitano. Seriously.
The boy and I both love to cook, and we both tend to watch Food Network shows for inspiration. A perfect night for us, when we are together, is to watch something on food network while cat-cuddling (I have two and he has one, so wherever we are there is cat cuddling to be done), and then make dinner. We are epically awesome.
Ok. I went off on a tangent. I do that.
Until tomorrow-
xo-
K
As for shows though, meh. I watch certain things, sure, but thats more because they keep my interest for longer than 3 minutes (that is, between commercials). I like Criminal Minds a bunch, because people are effing crazy. But, my one true love station, is The Food Network.
This is also why my boy and I are made for one another. We'll be sitting on the phone, in our respective homes, myself in Florida, and him in Maryland (sadface) and I'll head something. Like an echo. OOOOOH We're both watching Alton. Or Guy. Or that annoying british prick on Dinner:Impossible. And can I just say, I love Brian Boitano. Seriously.
The boy and I both love to cook, and we both tend to watch Food Network shows for inspiration. A perfect night for us, when we are together, is to watch something on food network while cat-cuddling (I have two and he has one, so wherever we are there is cat cuddling to be done), and then make dinner. We are epically awesome.
Ok. I went off on a tangent. I do that.
Until tomorrow-
xo-
K
3.31.2010
Day Two of Thirty: My Favorite Movie
As a child of the 80's, is there really a WHOLE lot I need to say about this movie?
I loved the whole thing. Having a baby brother, I thought, "Shit, this kid is goin' to the Goblin King and I'm NOT gonna rescue his ass."
But, because I mostly BELIEVED that David Bowie was indeed the king of Goblins, I never tested it. Mainly because my mom would have killed me if I sent my kid brother to the Goblin King. But don't think I didn't consider it.
It still holds a very special place in my heart. I have it on dvd and video (even thought I don't OWN a VCR) because it was the original. Anyone I know who HASN'T seen it, gets subjected to watching it shortly after I meet them. And I love it Every. Single. Time.
I'm not a dog person, but I've always said if I owned a small dog (which I probably never will) I'd name him Sir Didymus. And then every person that recognized where his name was from would get a hug. Or a cookie. Or some shit.
I still get annoyed when people find out that "Labyrinth" is my favorite movie and they go "Oh Shit! Yes! The Pale Man was Sick!"
*head desk* That's PAN'S Labyrinth. While it is ALSO an awesome movie, it does not reach David Bowie wearing a codpiece levels. Sorry.
xo-
K
3.30.2010
Day One of Thirty: My Favorite Song
Day one will most likely be the hardest for me to do.
Music is my life. Seriously.
Regularly when listening to my itunes or the radio or pandora or even the music stations on Comcast, I say "OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!" This happens approximately... every single song that comes on. If i don't already have it, I jot it down, and scamper off to find it.
But as for my FAVORITE song. It would be a toss up. For the same reason, actually.
The first is "Crucify" by Tori Amos.
I was in high school when I was first introduced to her music. I INSTANTLY fell in love with her sound. With her voice. With her piano. With her strength. And I ran with it. I bought "Little Earthquakes" shortly after I found out about her. While it was my second Tori album that I bought, (the first was Boys for Pele), I immediately gravitated towards it. "Crucify" stuck out to me. In my awkward desire to fit in, I found solace in her crazy lyrics that rarely make sense.
When I was 22 I got the word "Crucify" tattooed in white ink on my wrist. I got it during a particularly terrible relationship and it reminded me that not everything was wrapped up in being someone's object. I found the strength to leave the relationship and move on. I still remember when she played this song at her concert that I went to in WPB, FL. I got goose bumps.
The second song is "Not a Pretty Girl" by Ani Difranco.
It was a little later that I learned about Ani. I was right around 20 at the time and heard it first from a girl on Livejournal. She was a quirky weird chick, and she did a guitar/vocal cover of "Untouchable Face". I'd never heard the song, so I did some research and found out about Ani. My boyfriend at the time was a HUGE music buff, and I asked him if he had any of her cd's. He did, and copied them all for me.
It was again that instant connection. The strength and power in her voice. I wanted not only to listen to her every waking moment, but I wanted to meet her. (and I still want to do this).
After I got my tattoo mentioned above, I broke up with that hot mess and shortly after I went in for another inking. This time, I chose Ani's words. "I ain't no damsel in distress" and had them inked into my lower back. (I promise I have tattoos that AREN'T words too)
I still live by this motto. I am not the type of girl that needs anyone to take care of me. I am not the type of girl to wait for someone to come along and rescue me. I just do what needs to be done. I take care of myself. Not that I can't or won't let others IN, I just know, first and foremost, that I am independent.
Maybe once I figure out how the hell to work Blogger, I will put the videos in for these songs. They are both so fantastic.
Music is my life. Seriously.
Regularly when listening to my itunes or the radio or pandora or even the music stations on Comcast, I say "OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!" This happens approximately... every single song that comes on. If i don't already have it, I jot it down, and scamper off to find it.
But as for my FAVORITE song. It would be a toss up. For the same reason, actually.
The first is "Crucify" by Tori Amos.
I was in high school when I was first introduced to her music. I INSTANTLY fell in love with her sound. With her voice. With her piano. With her strength. And I ran with it. I bought "Little Earthquakes" shortly after I found out about her. While it was my second Tori album that I bought, (the first was Boys for Pele), I immediately gravitated towards it. "Crucify" stuck out to me. In my awkward desire to fit in, I found solace in her crazy lyrics that rarely make sense.
When I was 22 I got the word "Crucify" tattooed in white ink on my wrist. I got it during a particularly terrible relationship and it reminded me that not everything was wrapped up in being someone's object. I found the strength to leave the relationship and move on. I still remember when she played this song at her concert that I went to in WPB, FL. I got goose bumps.
The second song is "Not a Pretty Girl" by Ani Difranco.
It was a little later that I learned about Ani. I was right around 20 at the time and heard it first from a girl on Livejournal. She was a quirky weird chick, and she did a guitar/vocal cover of "Untouchable Face". I'd never heard the song, so I did some research and found out about Ani. My boyfriend at the time was a HUGE music buff, and I asked him if he had any of her cd's. He did, and copied them all for me.
It was again that instant connection. The strength and power in her voice. I wanted not only to listen to her every waking moment, but I wanted to meet her. (and I still want to do this).
After I got my tattoo mentioned above, I broke up with that hot mess and shortly after I went in for another inking. This time, I chose Ani's words. "I ain't no damsel in distress" and had them inked into my lower back. (I promise I have tattoos that AREN'T words too)
I still live by this motto. I am not the type of girl that needs anyone to take care of me. I am not the type of girl to wait for someone to come along and rescue me. I just do what needs to be done. I take care of myself. Not that I can't or won't let others IN, I just know, first and foremost, that I am independent.
Maybe once I figure out how the hell to work Blogger, I will put the videos in for these songs. They are both so fantastic.
I have a confession... or three
I read blogs.
Yeah yeah. I know. So does everyone and their little brother's dog.
But, lately, I've read blogs and wanted to be a PART of it. Of what? The Blogiverse, of course!
I've had a personal journal on Livejournal for approximately 12, 000 years. I've gone through ups and downs with it. Times where I wrote nearly every day, and others, where I peaced out on that shit and didn't look back for months.
The blogs I read are so inspiring. Not because that's what they are written for (honestly, no one's life is sunshine and butterflies all the effing time. That's just obnoxious), but because the women that write them (Ok ok, I admit, I'm a little sexist when I read blogs. I think I follow...two blogs written by men. And they just don't captivate me or make me want to check my google reader every 27 seconds like the female writers do.) are just freaking AWESOME.
As a second confession, i'm a lurker. I very rarely post a comment, mostly because I feel like the dorky girl in class. Who IS this weird new chick commenting on my blog?! As IF! Really, I'm actually 27 years old. Shocker, I know.
I want to make it my mission, as I embark on everything that I am embarking upon in the upcoming months, to be a better blogger/reader. I want to blog here, not just about the mundane bullshit that happens, but about really truly thoughtful things. The "profound brain things going on inside my head" (my boyfriend quotes Madagascar ENDLESSLY. Its a sickness, really)
So, today while I stalked, erm, read through some back posts in my Google reader, I came across this awesome idea from http://ohhlaceyy.blogspot.com/: A list of stuff to do on my blog, for me to not only blog more, but for those who run across this little slice of heaven to know a little more about me.
The List:
So I'm going to do my best to do these every day. I'm pretty stoked about it. And, as confession #3, I feel a little ridiculous as a baby blogger. I don't know shit about anything here, but I'll figure it out as I go. As I said yesterday:
"I'm going to love the shit out of life"
xo-
K
Yeah yeah. I know. So does everyone and their little brother's dog.
But, lately, I've read blogs and wanted to be a PART of it. Of what? The Blogiverse, of course!
I've had a personal journal on Livejournal for approximately 12, 000 years. I've gone through ups and downs with it. Times where I wrote nearly every day, and others, where I peaced out on that shit and didn't look back for months.
The blogs I read are so inspiring. Not because that's what they are written for (honestly, no one's life is sunshine and butterflies all the effing time. That's just obnoxious), but because the women that write them (Ok ok, I admit, I'm a little sexist when I read blogs. I think I follow...two blogs written by men. And they just don't captivate me or make me want to check my google reader every 27 seconds like the female writers do.) are just freaking AWESOME.
As a second confession, i'm a lurker. I very rarely post a comment, mostly because I feel like the dorky girl in class. Who IS this weird new chick commenting on my blog?! As IF! Really, I'm actually 27 years old. Shocker, I know.
I want to make it my mission, as I embark on everything that I am embarking upon in the upcoming months, to be a better blogger/reader. I want to blog here, not just about the mundane bullshit that happens, but about really truly thoughtful things. The "profound brain things going on inside my head" (my boyfriend quotes Madagascar ENDLESSLY. Its a sickness, really)
So, today while I stalked, erm, read through some back posts in my Google reader, I came across this awesome idea from http://ohhlaceyy.blogspot.com/: A list of stuff to do on my blog, for me to not only blog more, but for those who run across this little slice of heaven to know a little more about me.
The List:
30 days
Day 1: My favorite song
Day 2: My favorite movie
Day 3: My favorite television program
Day 4: My favorite book
Day 5: My favorite quote
Day 6: My biggest pet peeve
Day 7: A photo that makes me happy
Day 8: A photo that makes me angry or sad
Day 9: A photo I took
Day 10: A photo of me taken over ten years ago
Day 11: A photo of me taken recently
Day 12: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 13: A fictional book
Day 14: A non-fictional book
Day 15: A fanatic
Day 16: A song that makes me cry
Day 17: An art piece
Day 18: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 19: A talent of mine
Day 20: A hobby of mine
Day 21: A recipe
Day 22: A website
Day 23: A YouTube video
Day 24: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 25: My day, in great detail
Day 26: My week, in great detail
Day 27: My month, in great detail
Day 28: My year, in great detail
Day 29: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 1: My favorite song
Day 2: My favorite movie
Day 3: My favorite television program
Day 4: My favorite book
Day 5: My favorite quote
Day 6: My biggest pet peeve
Day 7: A photo that makes me happy
Day 8: A photo that makes me angry or sad
Day 9: A photo I took
Day 10: A photo of me taken over ten years ago
Day 11: A photo of me taken recently
Day 12: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 13: A fictional book
Day 14: A non-fictional book
Day 15: A fanatic
Day 16: A song that makes me cry
Day 17: An art piece
Day 18: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 19: A talent of mine
Day 20: A hobby of mine
Day 21: A recipe
Day 22: A website
Day 23: A YouTube video
Day 24: Whatever tickles my fancy
Day 25: My day, in great detail
Day 26: My week, in great detail
Day 27: My month, in great detail
Day 28: My year, in great detail
Day 29: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30: Whatever tickles my fancy
So I'm going to do my best to do these every day. I'm pretty stoked about it. And, as confession #3, I feel a little ridiculous as a baby blogger. I don't know shit about anything here, but I'll figure it out as I go. As I said yesterday:
"I'm going to love the shit out of life"
xo-
K
From the pages of "Epic Stupidity"
My ex is a person that I have come to realize has probably less common sense than my one year old nephew.
I just received a call from my mother (who hates him, please note) that he used her as a personal reference.
WHAT CHOO TALKIN BOUT MAMA?
The only thing i can do is *facepalm* at his epic stupidity and laugh at the fact that whatever he is applying for, he will most likely NOT get it because of this.
If left alone with him in a room with a sharp object, I think she would be the only one to emerge unscathed.
Essentially, I love that he is dumb enough to think that this was a good idea. Sure, *I'VE* moved on and stopped giving a shit about him, but that doesn't mean my family forgives him.
I just sit back and laugh.
ETA: Spoke to mama again and she didn't want to call, so she gave me the number and I did it for her. (What? We sound the damn same on the phone anyway. Seriously. She and my father have a "code word" so he doesnt say something weird to his daughter)
Apparently, Mr. Genius of the Mother Effing century is not paying his bills anymore. And they can't reach him. So they called her because he listed her as a reference when he bought his truck. When we were still together.
I informed the very nice lady I spoke to that we had nothing nice to say about him, and we hadn't been in contact in over two years, but that I had his cell phone number and place of business if that would be helpful to her. She thanked me and I gave her the info and went on my way. I feel I did a good deed. >:)
I just received a call from my mother (who hates him, please note) that he used her as a personal reference.
WHAT CHOO TALKIN BOUT MAMA?
The only thing i can do is *facepalm* at his epic stupidity and laugh at the fact that whatever he is applying for, he will most likely NOT get it because of this.
If left alone with him in a room with a sharp object, I think she would be the only one to emerge unscathed.
Essentially, I love that he is dumb enough to think that this was a good idea. Sure, *I'VE* moved on and stopped giving a shit about him, but that doesn't mean my family forgives him.
I just sit back and laugh.
ETA: Spoke to mama again and she didn't want to call, so she gave me the number and I did it for her. (What? We sound the damn same on the phone anyway. Seriously. She and my father have a "code word" so he doesnt say something weird to his daughter)
Apparently, Mr. Genius of the Mother Effing century is not paying his bills anymore. And they can't reach him. So they called her because he listed her as a reference when he bought his truck. When we were still together.
I informed the very nice lady I spoke to that we had nothing nice to say about him, and we hadn't been in contact in over two years, but that I had his cell phone number and place of business if that would be helpful to her. She thanked me and I gave her the info and went on my way. I feel I did a good deed. >:)
3.29.2010
Well...ow. Plus extras
Yesterday evening I managed to drop the very heavy plug end of my flat iron. Right. On. My. Foot.
It was fantastically awesome in that I saw colors and immediately wanted to cut my foot off. From a friggin PLUG? yes. The ow. It hurts.
Anyway, so I spent the day wondering if i'd cracked a tarsal (yay nursing school) or if I was really just being overly dramatic (it was the latter). I'm gestating an awesome bruise now though. woo.
In other, less painful news, I've realized that I should put up a little update of sorts as there isn't a whole lot of info about, well, me on here.
I'm originally from the burbs outside Chicago. I currently live in South Florida, though I spent the majority of my life traveling back and forth between the two due to there being a parent in each state.
I moved to Florida at 19, ready to take on the world. Got my esthetics license and started working in the corporate skin care world (I was a makeup artist for Clinique before I moved here).
After a string of poorly made relationship and life decisions I ended up engaged, only to cancel the wedding two months before it happened (more ow, lots of money....yeah.) While it was possibly one of the HARDEST things i've ever done in my life, I am 100% certain that I HAD to go through that relationship to make me understand really what I was doing to myself and how I was dealing with less than I deserved.
Lots of therapy later I spent about a year and a half alone. Well, not ALONE, I did plenty more stupid shit in that year and a half, but I also learned more about myself than I had in my previous 25 years.
I went away to a foreign country (Costa Rica) for two weeks last summer, and while it was lonely, and I got incredibly homesick, I am SO glad I did that for myself. I learned to say what I wanted, regardless of how it effected the lives of those around me (not that I'm unconcerned with others, I have just always put what others want before what I want).
I was finally at the point where I was happy being ME. I'd never been there before. But when I finally managed to enjoy my OWN company, of course life threw a wrench in my plan. A 6'3'', bald, blue eyed, beautiful tattooed wrench.
Here I am 6 months later looking forward instead of back. We live in different states. He's up in Maryland. We've racked up a good amount of frequent flyer miles thus far. But, we will never know what is possible with 1100 miles between us. Neither of us are very good at the whole long distance thing.
I've read about couples being together for years but always living across the country from one another, I just Cannot. Do. That. So i've decided to give up my life here in Florida, and move to Maryland. May 5th, I pick up my handsome boy from the airport and we will cram all my shit, and my two cats (who will be sedated so no one dies on the trip) into a Uhaul and start the drive to our home together.
It's starting to hit me that this is really happening. Its so exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. I decided I wouldn't live in the "what if's" anymore. I will only live in the here and nows. Whatever life throws at me, I will live it and learn from it. And Love. Beyond everything else, I will love with every ounce of who I am. I will love the shit out of life. Because one day, I won't be here anymore. And I never want to reflect back and say "I wish I would have done that" I just want to do it.
Life is an adventure. Put on your seat belts, kids. Its gonna be a fun one.
xo-
K
It was fantastically awesome in that I saw colors and immediately wanted to cut my foot off. From a friggin PLUG? yes. The ow. It hurts.
Anyway, so I spent the day wondering if i'd cracked a tarsal (yay nursing school) or if I was really just being overly dramatic (it was the latter). I'm gestating an awesome bruise now though. woo.
In other, less painful news, I've realized that I should put up a little update of sorts as there isn't a whole lot of info about, well, me on here.
I'm originally from the burbs outside Chicago. I currently live in South Florida, though I spent the majority of my life traveling back and forth between the two due to there being a parent in each state.
I moved to Florida at 19, ready to take on the world. Got my esthetics license and started working in the corporate skin care world (I was a makeup artist for Clinique before I moved here).
After a string of poorly made relationship and life decisions I ended up engaged, only to cancel the wedding two months before it happened (more ow, lots of money....yeah.) While it was possibly one of the HARDEST things i've ever done in my life, I am 100% certain that I HAD to go through that relationship to make me understand really what I was doing to myself and how I was dealing with less than I deserved.
Lots of therapy later I spent about a year and a half alone. Well, not ALONE, I did plenty more stupid shit in that year and a half, but I also learned more about myself than I had in my previous 25 years.
I went away to a foreign country (Costa Rica) for two weeks last summer, and while it was lonely, and I got incredibly homesick, I am SO glad I did that for myself. I learned to say what I wanted, regardless of how it effected the lives of those around me (not that I'm unconcerned with others, I have just always put what others want before what I want).
I was finally at the point where I was happy being ME. I'd never been there before. But when I finally managed to enjoy my OWN company, of course life threw a wrench in my plan. A 6'3'', bald, blue eyed, beautiful tattooed wrench.
Here I am 6 months later looking forward instead of back. We live in different states. He's up in Maryland. We've racked up a good amount of frequent flyer miles thus far. But, we will never know what is possible with 1100 miles between us. Neither of us are very good at the whole long distance thing.
I've read about couples being together for years but always living across the country from one another, I just Cannot. Do. That. So i've decided to give up my life here in Florida, and move to Maryland. May 5th, I pick up my handsome boy from the airport and we will cram all my shit, and my two cats (who will be sedated so no one dies on the trip) into a Uhaul and start the drive to our home together.
It's starting to hit me that this is really happening. Its so exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. I decided I wouldn't live in the "what if's" anymore. I will only live in the here and nows. Whatever life throws at me, I will live it and learn from it. And Love. Beyond everything else, I will love with every ounce of who I am. I will love the shit out of life. Because one day, I won't be here anymore. And I never want to reflect back and say "I wish I would have done that" I just want to do it.
Life is an adventure. Put on your seat belts, kids. Its gonna be a fun one.
xo-
K
3.26.2010
Movin' On Up...
So, I'm moving to Maryland in 5 weeks. It seems like a combination of "been waiting FOREVER to move" and "holy shit i'm leaving REALLY SOON and have nothing done and way too much to do"
I set up a goodbye dinner thing, that, while in theory i'm totally stoked about, in reality i'm afraid that I will end up disappointed. This has been an ongoing theme in my life.
It started when I was 12. And it has to do with birthdays.
For my 12th bday I wanted to have a HUGE EFFING PARTY, and made up flyers and dished them out to all my awesome 7th grade buds (and basically anyone that walked past me in the hallway) Literally I think i handed out like 150 "invites". Clearly this was going to only be the L33t. Or not.
We lived in the country and had a huge property at the time...I was totally excited and pumped for it the day of. and three people came.
I was wrecked. Granted, the three girls that came were three of my close friends and we had fun anyway, to this day when I see pics from that event I get that same heartbroken feeling all over again. I am clearly not mature.
Anyway, so for my 22nd birthday, when I was dating Kim, I had a thing at my house, and quite a few people actually showed up. It was a mix of my family and friends. And Kim got hammered and proceeded to call me a lying slut in front of everyone, my Grandfather included.
Throwing parties never ceases to stress me the fuck out.
Last year, for my birthday I will say it was one of the BEST birthdays I have ever had. (Minus the alcohol poisoning I gave myself \m/) We set it up at the Hard Rock, and barhopped all night. The only thing that bugged me was that SEVERAL people that said they'd be there, just... didn't show. No reason or anything, just didn't show up. And while it was an awesome night, a part of me turned 12 again.
So now, I'm planning this casual dinner thing and invited all the locals on FB, and i'm trying to remain realistic about it. If they don't come, its cool. But another part of me is still 12, and is like "but i'm MOVING and I won't BE here to hang out with anymore"
I really hope, for once, people do what they say they are going to. If only so I can grow to be 13, eventually.
I set up a goodbye dinner thing, that, while in theory i'm totally stoked about, in reality i'm afraid that I will end up disappointed. This has been an ongoing theme in my life.
It started when I was 12. And it has to do with birthdays.
For my 12th bday I wanted to have a HUGE EFFING PARTY, and made up flyers and dished them out to all my awesome 7th grade buds (and basically anyone that walked past me in the hallway) Literally I think i handed out like 150 "invites". Clearly this was going to only be the L33t. Or not.
We lived in the country and had a huge property at the time...I was totally excited and pumped for it the day of. and three people came.
I was wrecked. Granted, the three girls that came were three of my close friends and we had fun anyway, to this day when I see pics from that event I get that same heartbroken feeling all over again. I am clearly not mature.
Anyway, so for my 22nd birthday, when I was dating Kim, I had a thing at my house, and quite a few people actually showed up. It was a mix of my family and friends. And Kim got hammered and proceeded to call me a lying slut in front of everyone, my Grandfather included.
Throwing parties never ceases to stress me the fuck out.
Last year, for my birthday I will say it was one of the BEST birthdays I have ever had. (Minus the alcohol poisoning I gave myself \m/) We set it up at the Hard Rock, and barhopped all night. The only thing that bugged me was that SEVERAL people that said they'd be there, just... didn't show. No reason or anything, just didn't show up. And while it was an awesome night, a part of me turned 12 again.
So now, I'm planning this casual dinner thing and invited all the locals on FB, and i'm trying to remain realistic about it. If they don't come, its cool. But another part of me is still 12, and is like "but i'm MOVING and I won't BE here to hang out with anymore"
I really hope, for once, people do what they say they are going to. If only so I can grow to be 13, eventually.
2.15.2010
When things are not so quiet on the homefront...
Fighting with a parent is a lot like having a missing lung, I think. Its not impossible to breathe, it just hurts a lot and you're exhausted all the time and your other lung is doing all the work, it's own, plus the missing lungs' work.
My mother and I are fighting. This happens about once every two to three years with us. We go several weeks not speaking, and then I get fed up with her childishness and call, apologize for something I probably didn't do in the first place, and everything is fine again.
This time, I have decided NOT to call. I refuse to apologize, as I KNOW 100% that I am NOT wrong this time. Im curious to see how long she will hold out though.
I'm moving away to another state 1100 miles away in a little less than three months. My bet is that she WONT make things better before I go (three months is the longest we've ever gone without speaking before, when I moved to my dad's house at 13). This hurts me quite a bit, andyet, doesn't surprise me much.
My father, bless his heart, (he and mom are divorced) has been my missing lung. He's not only dealing with his own crap and life and bullshit, he now has to listen to me whine at least three times a week about my mother being a 14 year old.
I'm not really sure what to do though. The little girl that is still in me hates fighting with my mom and just wants to smooth it over and make it better, but, the adult in me knows that THAT is the reason she is pulling this shit with me now. Because I LET HER GET AWAY WITH IT MY WHOLE LIFE.
Unfortunately, right now, fuck, forever, it's really been more, Im the parent and she's the child. Unless you ask her. Then she's mother Theresa and she has sacrificed more for her family than anyone ever. *eyeroll*
What it boils down to is I think that my mother is acting like a spoiled brat and I'm done feeding into it.
For once, I'd like her to just be an adult. To realize that I AM HER CHILD. Sure, we've been friends my whole life, but sometimes, i just need her to be my mom.
Its hard to make the point known, when i'm being ignored. Maybe my lack of apology will, for once, be understood.
One can only hope.
My mother and I are fighting. This happens about once every two to three years with us. We go several weeks not speaking, and then I get fed up with her childishness and call, apologize for something I probably didn't do in the first place, and everything is fine again.
This time, I have decided NOT to call. I refuse to apologize, as I KNOW 100% that I am NOT wrong this time. Im curious to see how long she will hold out though.
I'm moving away to another state 1100 miles away in a little less than three months. My bet is that she WONT make things better before I go (three months is the longest we've ever gone without speaking before, when I moved to my dad's house at 13). This hurts me quite a bit, andyet, doesn't surprise me much.
My father, bless his heart, (he and mom are divorced) has been my missing lung. He's not only dealing with his own crap and life and bullshit, he now has to listen to me whine at least three times a week about my mother being a 14 year old.
I'm not really sure what to do though. The little girl that is still in me hates fighting with my mom and just wants to smooth it over and make it better, but, the adult in me knows that THAT is the reason she is pulling this shit with me now. Because I LET HER GET AWAY WITH IT MY WHOLE LIFE.
Unfortunately, right now, fuck, forever, it's really been more, Im the parent and she's the child. Unless you ask her. Then she's mother Theresa and she has sacrificed more for her family than anyone ever. *eyeroll*
What it boils down to is I think that my mother is acting like a spoiled brat and I'm done feeding into it.
For once, I'd like her to just be an adult. To realize that I AM HER CHILD. Sure, we've been friends my whole life, but sometimes, i just need her to be my mom.
Its hard to make the point known, when i'm being ignored. Maybe my lack of apology will, for once, be understood.
One can only hope.
1.24.2010
Have you lost weight?
I decided that this deserved it's own post.
Mainly because i'm damn proud of myself.
So because i've been mostly living on the very very minimum that I can for the last few months, I've become a bit of a homebody. I haven't gone out with my friends in quite a while. But last night there was an event downtown, and I decided I needed to get my ass up and out. I mean, the cover was only $5, even I can afford that.
I met my friends at one of their condos, which was directly next door to the venue we were heading to.
When I walked in one of my very best friends in all the land looked at me and said "You've lost weight!" I smiled. I have. "Did you notice this shirt fits much differently than when I wore it for my birthday?" I asked him, "Uh huh" he said.
I'd bought a vest to wear out for my birthday party in August. The vest was a little snug, but I rocked it anyway. Last night, I realized that I should probably have it tailored. Its obvious that I've lost weight in my stomach and, unfortunately, my boobs.
But I can handle that. For the first time since I started back to the gym in October, I CAN TELL I'VE LOST WEIGHT AND SO CAN OTHER PEOPLE.
This is huge for me. Im doing it right. Sure, I could be a lot lighter now if I changed my eating habits or went to the gym daily. BUT I DONT WANT TO. I like going to the gym when I can, and I like eating what I want. I am just more aware of HOW MUCH im eating. And I get up 9 times out of 10 when i'd rather sit on the couch all day (today is an exception heh)
I feel good. I still need to lose more, but i'm happy with my progress. I wish I would have taken my measurements when I first started. Maybe I did. I'll have to scour my internet sites and see. :)
xo-
K
Mainly because i'm damn proud of myself.
So because i've been mostly living on the very very minimum that I can for the last few months, I've become a bit of a homebody. I haven't gone out with my friends in quite a while. But last night there was an event downtown, and I decided I needed to get my ass up and out. I mean, the cover was only $5, even I can afford that.
I met my friends at one of their condos, which was directly next door to the venue we were heading to.
When I walked in one of my very best friends in all the land looked at me and said "You've lost weight!" I smiled. I have. "Did you notice this shirt fits much differently than when I wore it for my birthday?" I asked him, "Uh huh" he said.
I'd bought a vest to wear out for my birthday party in August. The vest was a little snug, but I rocked it anyway. Last night, I realized that I should probably have it tailored. Its obvious that I've lost weight in my stomach and, unfortunately, my boobs.
But I can handle that. For the first time since I started back to the gym in October, I CAN TELL I'VE LOST WEIGHT AND SO CAN OTHER PEOPLE.
This is huge for me. Im doing it right. Sure, I could be a lot lighter now if I changed my eating habits or went to the gym daily. BUT I DONT WANT TO. I like going to the gym when I can, and I like eating what I want. I am just more aware of HOW MUCH im eating. And I get up 9 times out of 10 when i'd rather sit on the couch all day (today is an exception heh)
I feel good. I still need to lose more, but i'm happy with my progress. I wish I would have taken my measurements when I first started. Maybe I did. I'll have to scour my internet sites and see. :)
xo-
K
Believe
Its hard sometimes to believe that good things are coming when it seems like you have been standing in the fast lane heading the wrong direction for so long.
It's about trust and faith. Both of which are hard for me to do.
But, just when I start to feel like i've totally lost all faith that something good WILL come, a sign will pop up and remind me to just hang in there a little while longer.
One day, I walked out my front door, after feeling down about my lack of job, my boyfriend being 1100 miles away, and school stress, and there was a skywriter just above my house. (I live in Florida, so this is not unusual to see in December). He wrote "TRUST" in the sky right above my humble home. He went on to write "GOD" beside it, but trust was nearly gone by the time god was finished. I just felt like it was the universe's way of reminding me to just hang in there.
I got the highest marks I've EVER received this past term in school. I trusted that I would somehow pull off an A in my hardest class to date, and ya know what? I did it. And I suprised myself how proud I was of that.
My boyfriend and I are making plans for me to move up to his area when this term is complete.
And, I recently was offered a full time job that will work with the fact that I'm leaving in three months.
I trusted the Universe would line up for me, and it actually did.
I am now looking for a temporary room mate to move in and share bills with me. I'm trusting that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE will need the opportunity that I have to offer. I just HOPE that it will be sooner rather than later.
The most difficult part of faith and trust is the unknown. The lack of control. The belief that its going to work itself out. I just have to keep reminding myself that The universe reminded me to trust it before, and I did. And it worked. I just have to be patient with her.
xo-
K
It's about trust and faith. Both of which are hard for me to do.
But, just when I start to feel like i've totally lost all faith that something good WILL come, a sign will pop up and remind me to just hang in there a little while longer.
One day, I walked out my front door, after feeling down about my lack of job, my boyfriend being 1100 miles away, and school stress, and there was a skywriter just above my house. (I live in Florida, so this is not unusual to see in December). He wrote "TRUST" in the sky right above my humble home. He went on to write "GOD" beside it, but trust was nearly gone by the time god was finished. I just felt like it was the universe's way of reminding me to just hang in there.
I got the highest marks I've EVER received this past term in school. I trusted that I would somehow pull off an A in my hardest class to date, and ya know what? I did it. And I suprised myself how proud I was of that.
My boyfriend and I are making plans for me to move up to his area when this term is complete.
And, I recently was offered a full time job that will work with the fact that I'm leaving in three months.
I trusted the Universe would line up for me, and it actually did.
I am now looking for a temporary room mate to move in and share bills with me. I'm trusting that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE will need the opportunity that I have to offer. I just HOPE that it will be sooner rather than later.
The most difficult part of faith and trust is the unknown. The lack of control. The belief that its going to work itself out. I just have to keep reminding myself that The universe reminded me to trust it before, and I did. And it worked. I just have to be patient with her.
xo-
K
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